Freedom! Sweet, sweet Freedom!

Freedom is the sweetest prize of them all.

I have tasted freedom, I have lived it, and I have had it taken away.

No, not taken away, I have given it up. I left my freedom behind and went back into my old captivity. How much I want to run away and be free, how much I want to be back to were I was the decider of my own fate, of my own days.

I am stuck and have to wait out the rest of my days of imprisonment with patience. Patience and a little hope. A hope for my future, that it will be better than what I have now, what I know now. Hope that I will be able to give better than what I have been given.

Freedom is making choices and having consequences. My choices are now limited, and I am still paying the consequence of the choice I did make.

Learn a lesson from me- Never, if you can help it, move back in with your parents!

What the world needs

"What the world needs now is love, sweet love. It's the only thing that there's just too little of."

Wrong.

What the world needs more of it back-biting, sharp tongues, and snide little comments... oh yeah, and don't forget mean sarcasm (we always need more of that). How else are people going to vent their feelings in such a way as to appear civil and keep up the appearance of being kind? You can't really be kind unless you hide how you really feel behind cryptic words. It is just cruel to do anything else.

How would I feel if someone told me what they were really thinking? I would be crushed because I would not know what to do. I mean, I know how to handle hidden meanings and subliminal messaging, but a frontal assault? That is just uncalled for. How dare you share your real feelings! How uncivilized you are to not cover what you really mean with layers of sarcasm and wit! That is just cruel and unusual. Feelings should be hidden until the annoyance is out of hearing range, and then everyone should know how you feel except the person who you are talking about. Don't you know anything? The only way that person is supposed to find out how you feel is either through intuition or the grapevine. What kind of a society are you trying to build here? Society can only thrive when it is built upon secrecy and propriety (a fancy word meaning no one is allowed to have emotions and opinions against the norm.)

Praiseworthy

There is nothing like making a big positive change to boost one's self esteem.

Really, nothing like it.

Everyone is always full of compliments about things that are different.

Ex: If the dishes are never done, when someone does them it is amazing and everyone talks about it. If they are always done, no one says anything about it.

I suppose we should just live our lives so that we always are getting compliments and praise. Ergo, no more cleaning until it is ridiculously disgusting. The world would be a happier place...unless your killed first because you don't really contribute. But, that could also make the world a happier place as well, all depending on your perspective.

Well, I suppose no one really wants to be murdered. I guess we will just have to live in a relatively clean and praise-less world, and all this for the sake of our mortality...erm...health.

Hmmmm....

I went to bed at 6:30 AM this morning. Yeah...I know...it's crazy, but I am ok with that. I enjoyed staying up that late because I was watching the best Anime ever "Bubblegum Crisis." The truth is out, Judes loves anime. But guess what, I always have, and probably always will...as long as I can find clean ones.

Then at 8:30 AM I was called in to use my amazing making-cakes-out-of-a-box skill. From then until about 11:30, I was making cakes. (Enrichment is not my friend right now...and hasn't been for a while...and probably won't be any time soon.)

After the cakes were done, I got ready for the day. I called into work because I was not feeling well, but I get to make up my hours tomorrow.

I read my book for a little bit (not so sure if I like this one: Treason by Orson Scott Card. It is really iffy, even for him).

I then get a call asking me if I will make the icing for the a fore stated cakes. I said yes. I was in a much better mood than at 9 AM this morning, so it was pretty fun.

Now I am off to Enrichment, where I have half of the lesson to give.

I am not sure whether or not I am going to stay the whole time. I have something that I do every Wednesday, and it is rather important for my mental health...which Enrichment doesn't help in keeping stable.

Logically Emotional

It is rather interesting how I deal with situations. Well, any girl for that matter.

When my feelings get hurt for some really retarded reason, I am all too aware that the reason is retarded. I know logically what is happening and that it is silly, but emotionally, I can't stop being upset.

Have you ever tried being two people at the same time? If so, please seek help. In all seriousness, being a girl with hurt feelings is probably the closest anyone is going to come to that experience.

One me knows that it is silly. The other me screams "SHUT-UP!!!!", hates that first me for pointing it out, and holds on all the stronger to the irrational emotion. Civil war ensues.

Eventually the logic wins, but just like the North against the South, it is a miracle.

A common conversation between two friends: one has hurt feelings, and the other is the lucky duck who gets to listen (you know who you are).

Hurt Girl- "I hate so-and-so! I can't believe she/he did that! Worst thing in the world!"
Lucky Duck- nods head in agreement
HG- "I know it isn't that big a deal."
LD- nods in agreement with that phrase as well
HG- "But, oh how I want to just pound so-and-so into the pavement."
LD- again, nods head
HG- "I know I won't feel this way forever and I am going to be so embarrassed and ashamed with myself when I get over it, and I feel really bad about talking so meanly, but I really hate so-and-so, and she/he is a jerk."
LD- "I know."

Females are torn creatures. I do not know how we deal with it, but we do. I suppose that is why we are so interesting to the male part of the species...or why we are so confusing and frustrating (but I like to look on the positive side).

Curfew

I woke up today at 4:14 AM. The real clincher: I went to bed around 1 AM. I tried to go back to sleep, but to no avail. So it is now 6:25 AM, and I am on the internet because there is nothing else to do.

Well, to use my time wisely, I have decided to rant. And it is mostly going to be about one thing in particular (because tired brains do not do well multitasking), and that is curfew.

I am not ranting about curfew and how I hate it, on the contrary, I love it. I think it is the best thing to happen to a college. No, this is all about people (or persons) who do not view it as important.

To even put in an application, a perspective student has to sign a statement saying that they will obey all the rules that the college has, and that they understand consequences will follow if they are broken.

Harsh? No. It is a small private school that has standards. There are hundreds of people that have to be turned down, and all of those rejected people would be willing to follow the rules that this college has laid down.

This rant is brought on by the fact that I have a roommate that no longer thinks the rules apply to her. She used to. She was really good, and that was before she was even accepted. "Is this (university name withheld) approved?" "Should we be watching this?" "I don't think that this is a good thing" and so forth. But now that she is an accepted student, and that has all gone to pot.

One night her friend was having a really tough night, so we let her be late with that excuse. And then there was another generally excused night when she slept over at a friends house. Once or twice breaking curfew, fine, whatever. But no, it has been every night for the past month, and I do not mean just the past 18 days.

It has gotten to the point where I am about to take things to a higher authority. If she does not quit, I am going to have to tell our manager (landlady). It will be out of my hands, and our landlady can handle it however she feels is necessary.

There is no excuse for what my roommate has been doing; she is not sinning in ignorance. I have told her, and I am going to tell her again (this time with the consequences clearly stated).

She is blessed to be able to attend this university, and if she is not willing to keep to the standards that she said she would, she has no right being here, taking the place of someone who would.

Scheduling...not really working

Having a job is really nice- it let's me pay for my housing, food, the building of God's kingdom, entertainment, and other nice necessities. The only problem in having a job is making sure that my job has work for me. It is a little ironic having a job but not having any work. I suppose it happens all the time in some areas of employment, but at least that person gets paid to do nothing. Not in my case, when there is no work, I get sent home...or I don't get to go to work at all. But don't fall into the trap of thinking it is just me, no, it is everyone at my employment who has to deal with this same...stuff.

The part of it that really annoys me is that I did not make any plans for socializing because I thought I was going to be at work. Alas, everyone else is at school or work, and so I am left to revel with myself (aka- be on the computer). Do not think of me as lame, I do not usually waste time on my computer if I can help it. As stated, it is a waste of time, but sometimes, I feel like there is nothing else to do. In truth, it is a sad time when Judes has to turn to her computer for entertainment.

Time

Time...no one can really explain what it is. Not even the physicists ( believe me I'm an expert, I took a physics class.). That is not to say the physicists are not very smart people, on the contrary. It is to say not even our brightest minds know what the heck "time" is. Oh, we all have an intuitive feel for it, but no real clue as to what that feeling means.

The point I am making: how can we waste something that is not really understood to begin with? Is it really waste, when in fact, we are just trying to figure this thing out?

Is it a waste of time to see how long one is able to watch TV before one becomes antisocial? That is a very good thing to find out. Believe me, if I knew, I would never even get near to the antisocial stage. But sometimes, I just don't know, and it worries me. Tests should be done to find this kind of thing out. If I have to be the one performing this test, so be it. I will take one for the team. The betterment of society is far more important than my personal comfort.

If anything is considered a "time waster," it is most definitely hygiene. What does having "good" hygiene do? Oh, it makes things "seem" a little more pleasant, but in truth it does nothing. It is a wasted cycle.

Every morning, I wake up, brush my teeth, style my hair, and put on make-up. Every evening, I brush my teeth again (useless action because teeth get dirty without me even trying), mess my style by brushing my hair, and then wash my face (removing the makeup that took me 5 min to put on in 1 min).

Don't even start me on showers. Too late! For a girl, 10 min is a really quick shower. Add in the 2 min to towel off (if they are the kind that does not just let it evaporate) and the 10 min to dry the hair (that is with a hair dryer as well, go without it, and it is up to 1 hour), and she is taking 22 min out of her "time" to have "good hygiene." I could have watched a whole TV show in those 22 min (minus commercials). The World could have been 22 min closer to knowing the amount of time it takes watching TV to become antisocial. Wasted. 22 min wasted. For what? Hygiene. Take away the misconception of what "good" hygiene is, and all the Worlds problems would be solved.

Time, not really being wasted because it is not really there, alludes us all. Maybe the time you took reading this blog is exactly the amount of time it would have taken you to save the World. Alas, it is too late to take that "wasted" time back. I guess the World may never know...about time.